Sister Mary Ellen Elder, OP
Date of death: September 9, 2004
It is an awesome task to stand before you here and break open the word that was Mary Ellen. We each knew her in lots of different ways during her 45 years of Religious Life. Many of us have not seen her personally for a long time, yet her smile, hardy laughter, zany humor and warm embrace will stay with us always.
To know Mary Ellen was to experience the gospel in living color. The gospel was real and active in her life. She was a faithful companion for many of us, who also pointed the way to goodness and Hope by her mere being. You’ll have a chance to share your stories later and nourish one another with your own fond memories.
Mary Ellen was a gardener. I lived with her here at Mariandale, in the Sowers Community. We “sowed” with seeds, rather than with needle and thread. She had a garden behind Harold’s Shop. She grew all kinds of veggies, and her beloved sunflowers. Her garden was a magic land in her life, both inside and out. In some ways, she was like a sunflower, she followed the sun, facing east in the early morning and then gradually turning west in the late afternoon. She once awakened me in the middle of the night to see her night blooming pasche flower, or passion plant, with so much enthusiasm that even at that late hour, I caught her spirit.
She cultivated friends like she cultivated her garden. At her 25th Jubilee, I can still see Barbara Murphy and Fran Whelan, pulling a little red wagon with two freshly dug up sunflowers that were then tied by rope to two trees for decorations bordering a beautiful handmade Appalachian quilt which was the backdrop for our outdoor altar, along the Hudson. Mary Ellen was an Earthy person. These word from a poem by John Soos, remind me of her way of being in the world.
To be of the Earth is to know
the restlessness of being a seed
the darkness of being planted
the struggle toward the light
the pain of growth into the light
the joy of bursting and bearing fruit
the love of being food for someone
the scattering of your seeds
the decay of the seasons
the mystery of death
and the miracle of birth.
Mary Ellen’s life was one adventure after another, and she welcomed her friends to come along. She once got her brother Bill, OP to bring his newly refurbished sailboat to Ossining so we could sail it out in the Hudson River. Well, after a late start, the wind died down the motor didn’t work and we began to drift. It got darker, and after awhile, a bright spotlight suddenly shined down on us, and the loud voice shouted “MOVE AWAY, YOU ARE TOO CLOSE.” We had floated right in front of Sing-Sing Prison. Well, we got the oars out and paddled as fast as we could back to shore and got home in time for a very soggy crock-pot dinner.
Mary Ellen was an LPN (Licensed Practical Nurse) She loved being with families and befriended them all. She had a heart for the poor. and stood with them through all kinds of hardships. The Le Grands, the Santuchis, and the Caterinos were like extended family to her and to many of us. Her red hair and bright smile were like beacons of hope to them and they looked forward to her visits. Besides Ossining she worked in the Bronx and in Minneapolis and of course in Cincinnati.
Eventually Mary Ellen discovered another love, the people of Appalachia. When Margaret Flynn first went to Tennessee, then Ky. and finally Virginia, Margaret and later Beth began g crafts in hopes of finding buyers up North. Mary Ellen took that on as a Mission and roped lots of us into helping her with that good work. She was like a magnet and had a gift for gathering friends into a grand community for special sales. We were invited into a common purpose, to share the story of the Appalachian people while creating community ourselves. We would go down to Hampton Bays on Long Island, Weston Priory in Vt., Genesis Farm in Blairstown, NJ, as well as her Shop here at Mariandale. She helped individual craftswomen improve their products. She affirmed them even as she challenged them. Her efforts made huge differences to the mountain women, to Mary Ellen, and to all of us. She once wrote to me that while visiting for the Crazy Quilt Friendship Centers’ 25th Anniversary, a young woman came up and asked her if she could take Mary Ellen’s picture. After looking through her lens, the woman looked up startled, and said: “Aren’t you Sister Mary Ellen? Mary Ellen was amazed and grateful to be remembered and recognized after so long a time and commented to me “Isn’t God something else?” Mary Ellen’s life was a gift to all who knew her. Later she had full rich days when she lived and worked in Cincinnati. There was always lots happening, and you’ll have to ask our Sisters there to share those stories.
Now we fast-forward to more recent days. Mary Ellen had an on-going kidney problem. She wrote that she was hopeful about getting a second chance for a new kidney, which we now knew was not to be. After years of three-times weekly dialysis treatments, her conditioned weakened, and she opted to move from Cincy to Columbus, Ohio, to be near her family and her sister Corita who was a St. Mary of the Springs Dominican, and to live in their community’s Assisted Living and then later in their Infirmary. There again she made friends, participating in activities, visiting her family and receiving the life sustaining care she needed...and being part of a thriving new community of life. Mary Ellen was a valiant woman, a risk taker. While many of us spend hours and years meeting and talking about collaboration with other Dominicans, forming Federations, creating something new, Mary Ellen was living it. She put her body on the line, her spirit in place, she opted to live, die and be buried in Columbus, Ohio among her friends and sisters there. When someone said to Monica, “you mean she won’t be buried here in Ossining, Monica responded,” It’s the same Earth!” And it’s the same community. We can all take heart in having known and loved Mary Ellen She will always be our wise Elder, sharing her vision and daring to go before us. I am reminded of Elizabeth Barrett Browning’s poem, “Earth’s crammed with heaven, and every common bush afire with God; but only she who sees takes off (her) shoes- The rest sit round it and pluck blackberries.” And I leave you with one question, what will you do with your one and precious life?
Bette Ann Jaster, OP